This week in The Atlantic, I noticed an article/podcast interview, "How to Age Up Together?," by Natalie Brennen and Yasmin Tayag. They interview Eunice Nichols of Co-Generate, an organization that facilitates intergenerational interactions. Nichols says that Americans have never been more age-segregated than we are now. In the past, our communities were structured to create intergenerational homes and communities:
Yeah, so on the age-segregation side, we went from having kind of these age-integrated one-room schoolhouses, and the agrarian society meant younger and older people worked together, side by side out in the fields. But then, there were all of these great innovations in policy. So child-labor laws: I think we all agree that’s a very good thing. Universal schooling, I think we agree that’s a really good thing. Social security, which provided a safety net for older adults, and at the same time made room for young people who are experiencing massive un- and underemployment. These were parts of societal infrastructure built to help us. But the unexpected part of that innovation was that it pulled generations apart. All of a sudden, kids were in schools, middle-aged people had jobs, and older people were in retirement communities.
There's a ton of good anecdotes and stories in the article about how all generations benefit from intergenerational relationships: older folks don't want to be isolated in age-segregated communities, and younger folks need the hard-earned wisdom, perspective, and resources ($!) that older folks often possess. It's a lot of common sense, but when you hear it articulated, you think, "damn, we really have to figure out how to live together across generations in meaningful ways again." You want to go out and join an intergenerational community. But when the article gets to the same conclusion, it suggests... service and book clubs. Huh?
How about church (ie, religion)? Religious institutions are the best intergeneration communities that have ever existed. We exist specifically to bring generations together. We sanctify (ie, mark as "sacred") every milestone over the course of the lifetime: birth, baptism, coming-of-age, graduation, marriage, anniversaries, and death. A faith community is community of care in which people of all ages witness and walk together through the whole of life; we all share in the meaning-making. In between milestone moments, we eat and serve together across generations. No offense to Co-Generate, but faith communities have literally mastered the art of intergenerational relationships.
I came back to church in my 20s when I was working crazy hard in my first job, but I was also extremely lonely--I found at church people who were asking the same existential questions about the meaning of life and the nature of the good that I was asking--only they'd been asking those questions and living in the direction of their answers for three times as long as I'd been alive! It was a balm to my soul to be in their company. My kids have had the great gift of growing up in a church where they are known by adults who are not their parents--people in their 50s and 60s and 90s who have a genuine interest in their lives. My kids will return to this church when they are in college and delight in seeing those same folks. They will come back some day for some of their funerals and give thanks to God for the person who taught them in Sunday School or cheered them on from the sidelines.
Want intergenerational friendships? Go to the place that's been doing it forever. Go to church.
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