Good Parents

Some days, I think I might be having a positive influence on my children. Other days, when I see my own worst qualities show up in their behavior, I cringe at the damage I'm doing them. 

For the latter kind of days, here's a gem by Philip Larkin. Maybe you have to get up to speed on Larkin's misanthropy to find it anything but disturbing. But I suspect any parent - any child of parents - has days when these words ring true:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.   

    They may not mean to, but they do.   

They fill you with the faults they had

    And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

    By fools in old-style hats and coats,   

Who half the time were soppy-stern

    And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

    It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

    And don’t have any kids yourself. 

Philip Larkin, “This Be the Verse” from Collected Poems.

If you're curious to read more Larkin, here's his extraordinary poem "Church Going."