Today is my daughter, Margaret's 1st birthday. Born to us at 4AM on December 31st, 2009. It's been a day of mixed-up emotions. I'm grateful for her--she is beautiful and cheerful and growing into herself every day (as the picture we took today clearly shows!). But I've spent time remembering that day a year ago when she arrived, and it was not a happy day at all. The memories are not joyful. It was scary and wrenching and delirious. I will not go into all the details--I could not, but I will simply share the most vivid: I remember being invited into the delivery room, after being told Margaret was not breathing. She was ventilated, and Beth and I stood over her tiny body lying on a cold stainless steel table. We touched her, not knowing whether she would live or die.
Today I've thought about Margaret's first year of life--her amazing, difficult life. I've also thought about all the other children we've met along the way who were born too early who did not live. I've remembered the parents who love those children just as we love Margaret, and who now grieve them every day. Lord, have mercy on us.
Beth posted today to our CaringBridge site:
Happy Birthday Margaret Grace!
"You've Come a Long Way, Baby" (to reverse a bad cigarette slogan). MG was born with lungs worse than a lifetime smoker, but look at her now.
16lbs.
1/4 liter extra oxygen to room air
cooing on her speaking valve
sitting up for a few seconds
strawberry blond curls coming in
never-fading smile
using both arms to open presents
admiring her big brother
GOALS for 2011:
Breathe on her own
Eat on her own
Walk on her own
Love life and be able to say so.
How will she do this? Weaning 1% oxygen a week. Adding 1ml of food a week. Playing every day. Shout for joy!
What are your goals? Can you think of them in terms of taking a few deeper breaths a minute? adding one extra millileter a day? playing more every day?
David, I understand about the (happy?) birthday. Still remember that 11/27, 27 years ago, when my son Adam was born at 28 weeks, ventilated, and whisked away to another hospital's NICU. Was far from a happy day, indeed.The 14 weeks there were long, and scary, and the memories remain vivid.
ReplyDeleteReading your post, and Beth's earlier, today, I am deeply touched by your honesty, your faith, your love for one another and for your children, and for the God who is present with us through all the birthdays, happy and less than, that we experience.
Blessings in the New Year,
Sarah E.
Hello from Greece! I'm a mother of a little girl too. She is now six and a half months old and thank God, healthy as a horse.
ReplyDeleteI want to congratulate you for your courage on facing all these difficulties and not giving up. I also want to send a big hug to your little miracle, a hug similar to the one I give every ten minutes (or less!) to my daughter.
Kisses,
Lefki
Wow. You always seem to put things into perspective for me.Im crabby about my second semsester of Grad school starting soon, and the third class being added that I am teaching, and the other departmental responsibilities that go along with my assistantship, blah, blah. This reminds me to STFU because I can fing breathe on my own!!! My goodness. I continue to pray and be joyful for your daughter and her health, and pray for James and Beth and yourself. My love and prayers for 2011 are with you!
ReplyDeleteBilly
David,
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to Margaret, Beth, James, and you.
I hope that you are all settling into "Jawjuh" living, and that 2011 brings you countless blessings.
I'm sending you love from around the world in India!
Sending so much love to you, Beth, MG, and James. So blessed to know you all and can't wait to meet MG in person!
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