It's early morning.
I'm up to greet the day. Fell asleep at 9 after I put my son to bed. Woke up again at 3. Wide awake. Mind racing.
I am unsettled. I feel brittle. My body has aches that didn't used to be there; tightness between my shoulders. With sleep precarious, I feel heavy; I'm lethargic during the day. In contrast, my temper is hot, just below the surface--it doesn't take much for it to bubble up into a harsh word or a snap judgment. It is hard for me to concentrate.
Don't think I'm complaining. I'm not.
I'm more curious than anything. What happens when a human being is stretched? When mastery over even the basics of life (eating, sleeping) eludes us? What does it mean when the story of our lives gets unclear, the waters muddied? When the sense of self diminishes, not in its own size, but in its proportion to the huge, complicated world?
Do you fight back? Do you acquiesce or hide? Do you pray? If so, for what? For power? For more? For rest? For less?
When a human being is stretched thin, what is the cause? Is it physical? Existential? Spiritual? It is painful, but from what (from whom?) does the injury come? Is there even a thorn to remove, when life itself is the thorn?
Sleep seems to be my master. When I disobey her, she cracks the whip and stops me cold with sickness,foul mood swings, anger, etc. When I listen to her, all is not well, but easier to manage. In this time of recession, war, and global warming baking the earth and causing tsunami,flood, and famine....we certainly must find what brings the tension out and releases it. Yoga? Prayer, a tight warm hug from a lover or friend? Only you can know what will bring the relief. Or at least make life a little easier to handle.
ReplyDelete