Manhood

I've blogged before about the absence of men in my church. We're about 70% female, by membership. Because we're an urban congregation, and made up of largely single people (as opposed to churches in non-urban settings, which typically consist of married couples and families), we don't tend to draw husbands and wives as much as we draw those who are drawn to church. And in our case, only 3 out of every 10 who are so drawn, are men.

I'm fascinated by this discrepancy. Why are men not showing up to church?

I couldn't help but overhear three (perhaps) unrelated pieces of information recently about manhood in America.

1) Women are about to (or already have) passed 50% of America's workforce. More women work than men.

2) Women border on 60% of students at US colleges and universities.

3) Brian Lehrer, commenting on his show on WNYC a day or so after the Super Bowl, noted pronounced levels of misogyny in the advertisements during the big game. A thinly-veiled response to 1 and 2?

What's going on?

Is the shifting balance of cultural and economic power toward women at all related to the lack of men in the pews of my church?

I wonder. As a pastor, I've suspected at times that I've set standards for men's behavior that feel incompatible with the reality of many men's lives. For example, I expect a Christian male sexuality that respects, rather than objectifies, a sexual partner. I expect a man to think beyond himself, to engage in and grasp larger social issues and concerns. I expect men to be generous with their money, giving to charity. I expect fathers to be involved in their children's day-to-day care.

As I look at these areas, I can't help but observe how often my message to men is to yield power. To humble themselves. To serve.

Again, I wonder. Given a wider cultural context in which men are feeling "threatened," is it inevitable that asking men to give up even more will be a message that falls on unwelcoming ears? Are men looking for pursuits and activities in which their status is buffered more than it is in my church? I officiated a wedding earlier this winter in which the bride-to-be was demonstratively excited about how she had brought her fiance to church and how much she looked forward to him being the "head of the household." They were members of a conservative NYC church, just using our sanctuary for its beauty--I was basically a rent-a-pastor, so I bit my tongue to keep from choking on it. But, there was a young, professional male... GOING to church.

What are the dominant messages about manhood in our culture right now? Is the liberal church giving men exactly the message that they won't--or can't--hear?

I decided to address this question by pulling out the only book on my shelf that has the word "manhood" in the title: The Manhood of the Master (c.1913) by Harry Emerson Fosdick. It's my personal Lenten devotional text. What did Harry know that I seem to miss? We'll see....