According to a 2006 survey by Condé Nast Bridal Media... only 46 percent of brides are married in a church or synagogue, down from 55 percent the year before. With weddings transported to other locales comes a loosening of conventions.
46%? Wow. I assume that means 46% of grooms, too?
So, first, let me affirm again that I'm a fan of "loose conventions" when it comes to weddings. I've written before about how much I love weddings and how little I care for the way that some churches insist on "their way or the highway" when it comes to wedding liturgies and protocols. I tend to think that a "religious" wedding does not make a couple have more faith in God or put God at the center of their marriage... in fact, I would probably guess that overly-zealous clergy who insist on church membership for the couple and who tell the couple that they must use a "traditional" denominational wedding liturgy do more harm than good to the feelings that people have about churches and clergy and to their sense of wanting to be connected to a church.But only 46% are happening in churches at all?
I wondered out loud today with a colleague about how critical we both think that faith is to a good marriage.
Why?
Because at some point, a good relationship requires seeking the welfare of another person before our own. Loving another person for their sake. That love is hard. It doesn't come naturally; it is cultivated, learned over time. It requires reminders and reprovals. It is practiced and taught at church.
Another reason that marriage requires God is that God has a way of reminding us that "it's not about us." Our life isn't ours. That's helpful in disabusing us of the notion that life--or relationships--are about fulfilling our needs. I would never tell a person to stay committed to a relationship that's utterly un-fulfilling, but when passion flares out in a marriage, and it seems like marriage is about a daily striving to meet another person's needs without regard to whether yours are being fully met... well... that's often exactly the life that God invites us to embrace. It's called sacrifice. It matters to God.
The last reason I think God is essential for marriage is that the story of God suggests that God loves us when we're unlovable. God sees the good in us, even when we lose sight of it. We are precious in God's sight, always. That is always a good thing to be reminded of.
The article that the quote above came from was a NYTimes article about how wedding dresses are getting sexier. I'm fine with sexy wedding dresses and no fan of repressive concepts of female chastity or purity. But I've got to confess--I think getting married in a church is kind of important... and not because it makes for good wedding photos.
PS: Reading this post over makes me feel like the most square progressive eh-vuhr.
The concept of marraige has and most likely always will be a sore spot to me. Simply because I believe in it with my whole being, and will never be able to have it. Not the way i want it anyway.It is hard to be a conservative Gay Christian. I like the idea of the flowers, and the old liturgy and the whole thing. I want nothing more than to have a traditional wedding. Fat chance of a church letting me marry a man in a traditional service though. So it really hurts when straight people just forgo marraige altogether when I cannot even get married, and they are just abusing the right.
ReplyDeleteTonight I have a former Catholic nephew marrying a Morman girl, and they're having a reception (on a Friday during Lent) with meat, and no coffee, tea or booze. My Catholic family is insulted. They weren't even allowed to attend the wedding ceremony, but were expected to provide gifts. What do you think? See what I think at peoplepowergranny.blogspot.com, and vote in my poll on when it's proper to play by the rules.
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