All three have been on my mind recently.
On Sunday at Connection, we re-visited a favorite topic: "Faithful Sexuality." I had a pastor friend come in a help me lead the conversation and she was a huge help. Overall, it was a good conversation. It's a minefield for sure. Whether it's a natural human tendency or just part of how we are acculturated to think/talk about sex, we tend to want to see sexuality as something that is either A) totally defined by rules (ie, no sex before marriage, no masturbating, no pornography, etc) or B) having no rules (it's just an individual thing, so stay out of my bedroom). I find that the most important thing for me to articulate (my BIG point) is that it's not a question of either/or.
One can believe that the one-size fits all rules are bogus AND one can still have a strong internal compass about what is and is not appropriate (ie, respectful, ethical, generous, kind) sexual behavior.
It's hard to disabuse people of the notion that the Bible speaks authoritatively about sex (I'm with those who feel that most of the Bible's dictates about sex are time-bound, rather than time-less), but still assure them that the Bible can lead us into a healthy sexual ethic (by elevating in our relationships the practice of sacrificial love that heals and honors the other).
I'm also working, for the first time, on creating a group premarital counseling session, which my wife and I are co-leading together. I've been doing a lot of thinking and reading about what makes for a healthy relationship. I'm drawn to John Gottman's work in particular--seems to make good sense to me and is born out in my own experience. His theory is that a good marriage is less about being a "good fit" or having a lot in common or even about having "good communication," and is mostly about fighting fair--ie, managing and honoring our inevitable differences.
At the same time, I watch in the world around me how many people whom I respect aren't able to keep their marriages together over the long term. It's such a mystery how relationships really work and what makes a couple begin--and end--in love.
I know for sure that growing in wisdom on this subject needs to be part of my ministry--and part of my personal life.
We all come to this conversation with such heavy baggage to unpack. It is difficult to try to see it clearly without our assumptions of what is right and wrong. It is certainly difficult when you are discussing something that is SOOOO personal in a public space. What is more intimate? However just attempting the dialouge is important. I only caught the last 5 minutes or so, but the conversation seemed healthy-by that I mean respecting everyone while not making it so general that nothing is really established or discussed.
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