Two encounters with young men yesterday.One is a 17 year-old about to tip himself into an adult life in and out of state prison. The second is lost, perhaps a drug user, so desperate and empty that he would walk into a church and begin his story with "I just wanted to ask you... what does God think when people end it all... on purpose?" A long tale about a wife and child in Japan, a lapsed visa, a 4-month Christian school in San Antonio, and ill-formed requests for "help" follow....
As I talk to each, I search (sometimes in a way that feels, to me, frantic) for some kind of human connection. I keep throwing ropes to them... with the hope that I'll feel a tug on the other end. "What do you need?" "Where are you staying?" "What do you want to happen next?" "Do you have anyone you can call who would help you?" "Can I make a phone call to someone?" I lay out these questions, hoping to ignite a spark in them--remind them of their connectedness to the world, remind them that others care about them. That the vast sea in which they're treading water and growing tired has life boats circling in the area.
But there's nothing. No tug. They're both so numb, so lost in whatever world it is they're living--a world I've never been to--that they hardly acknowledge we're in the same room together, that we're breathing the same air, that the same God loves us both.
Jesus teaches me to stay in these moments. Stay there. Feed the hungry. Clothe the naked. Befriend the friendless. Empathize. Be wise as a serpent, feeling out for the con and the lie, but innocent as a dove, not letting go of my end of empathetic rope, lest they decide to grab it and need me to hold on tight.
Often, a counter impulse inside me wants to grab these guys and shake them. Tell them that they are grown men and they need to take responsibility for and take control of their own sorry condition. Tell them that if they were in my shoes, they'd see what a sad and pathetic mess they have made of their lives and that they should be embarrassed walking into church ready to trade a mouthful of lies in exchange for some small handout.
I assume that most often, I get taken advantage of. I can't feel out every lie. I'm not smart enough. So there's a Subway sandwich bought here, a subway card there. Words of encouragement which they probably don't even notice.
Maybe my problem is that I too often conflate myself with the God I love. Maybe I shouldn't see myself as being responsible for these men. Maybe I too often play the savior, when that's not my job.
But maybe, God, You are letting too many people drown.
it comes back to free will/God's will doesn't it? Is it God's will for some people to be Paris Hilton and have everything and do no work, and for others to be homeless- if God is in control of all things......
ReplyDeletethen there is the question---is it our fault? the insanely unfair distribution of wealth, havent we done that?
who knows what desperate situation pushes people into lives of crime and lies. I am pretty sure no one wakes up and says, "today i want to deal drugs, and steal from people" it is something I would think a person falls into.
Maybe God hasn't failed us. Maybe we have failed God by mis handling the gifts He has given us.
Wow, what do you do with all that information? I think you can be present for them when they walk in through the door, guide them to the best of your ability.Ultimately it's their choice to make a change...or not. May be the church should start having an official drop in center for people are lost and in that state of desperate need. It seems that with its location and message people who are at a breaking point of one sort or another come there looking for something to tether them to this world. Who knows what pains or anxieties one can assuage by just listening to a story. But by being present you are showing the best of Christ and/or God through to that needy person. And that's sometimes the best you can do in such a situation.
ReplyDeleteI am very familiar with the pain of trying to be of help to those who are unable or unwilling to help themselves. I often forget that it is not my job to prevent a crises.
ReplyDeleteSome people need to hit an extreme bottom and, though it's hard for me to watch, I know that if I prevent it I'm only enabling more of the same behavior.
I often think I know what is best for others but I don't. Sometimes all I can do is listen, be an example and remember that I am not anyone's Higher Power.
Talk to me about Al-Anon.
p.s.
ReplyDeleteread my post "not my job" from April 12. let me know what you think
on my way to church...